September 11th--6 years later

Six years ago, I woke up to the sound of my alarm. I always set it five minutes early so I would have a few minutes to lay in bed and watch TV to see the weather report for the day and have a chance to wake up a bit more before actually getting up. The first thing I saw when I turned on the TV was coverage of one of the towers on fire. The reporter's voice was talking about how they didn't know what type of plane it was (private, jet, etc), whether it was an accident or on purpose, etc. Space filler, mostly, while people scrambled for information. As I'm watching, I see another plane fly into the view of the live coverage and I thought to myself, "That must be kind of scary being in a plane and being able to see the remnants of another plane that had crashed." As I was looking closer, I could see the plane was coming closer and closer and I shot up in bed thinking, "No way, it's gonna hit!" and suddenly there was the second explosion. Knowing I'd just witnessed hundreds of people losing their lives in live coverage was a very sickening, horrible feeling. I sat there in tears having no idea how to even react. Getting ready for my nanny job was a blur, and I tried desperately to pull myself together as to not have to explain my tears to the two young children I was caring for. Beyond the deep grief I felt for the families who had just lost loved ones, was a deep fear rooted in myself over what type of world I would be bringing my child into, as I had only days before found out I was pregnant with my first child. The following days were full of interviews of people who had survived, and people who had lost loved ones. Emotional songs popped up all over the radio. The country was unified in a way I'd never seen and will probably never see again. We weren't democrats and republicans, working parents or stay-at-home parents, we weren't religious and atheists. We were a country joined in the support of our friends and family and neighbors, and our safety. I was very proud to be a part of this country, and knew that as scary as things were, I would be bringing my child into a world where people rally together in a time of need and that knowledge helped me overcome the fear of the scary unknowns and the "what ifs." It's sad that it takes something horrible to happen before we can really overlook our differences and join hands in support of each other, but it's heart-warming and encouraging to know that it IS possible. I still can't talk about that day without getting tears in my eyes, and I didn't lose anyone I know, but the visual impact of what I witnessed has touched me deeply. Being pregnant at the time and knowing how excited I was, made me feel very sad for the fathers who never got the chance to meet their babies, either because they lost their lives, or because their pregnant wives did. Hearing the stories on TV and reading them in magazines and books make these people REAL to me, not just faces or numbers. I never met them, I'll probably never meet their families, but I was touched that day and their deaths impacted my life. My first born is 5 years old, and is old enough to be asking questions about why today is a special day, and why are people sad, and it's hard to have to explain to my innocent child that there are bad people in this world, and to explain it in a way that won't scare her. I worried my sudden tears at song we heard on the radio today would worry her, but the little sweetheart gave me a hug and told me she would think about the people who died, too, because they were important people. My thoughts today are with the family and friends who lost someone special that day. I can't imagine their pain and grief as I sit here in tears over STRANGERS. I hope they find peace and courage and strength to move on and live in a way that would have made their loved ones happy. And my thoughts are with the soldiers who daily put their lives on the line to try and keep something like this from ever happening again. Today, I am proud to be an American, and I plan to teach my children to be proud Americans as well. To stand next to their families and neighbors and friends and co-workers, to be supportive and brave and strong, and to stand up for each other and those in need.

I don't have the greatest camera for photographing fireworks, but I took these at a baseball game we went to awhile ago and thought talking about pride in my country might be an appropriate time to share them: