Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I have great friends

There was a day a few weeks back where everything just seemed to go very VERY wrong. The kids were at their very WORST, and it was all three kids at once. Time-outs weren't working, loss of priveleges wasn't working, and a mom at her witts end shouting LOUDLY wasn't working either. This mom found herself in tears several times throughout the day. It was a combination of frustration, anger, and some MAJOR self-doubt of my role as mother and teacher, etc to my children. When I had all three kids in time-outs, and all four of us were tearful and angry and frustrated, I started to assume it truly must be something I was doing wrong, and not them at all. Thankfully for me, (unfortunately for HER), my friend Beth happened to be over here for the brunt of it, and assured me many times over that it wasn't just me being irritable and short-tempered, and that my kids were behaving as neither of us had ever seen before. Lots of sassing, stomping, shouting, ignoring requests/demands, etc. Just an overall very bad day. I slept very fitfully that night, and spent more time in tears feeling very regretful of how the day had gone, how it had ended, and desperately trying to analyze everything to figure out a way to make sure the following day went far FAR better. I'm still unsure what the issue was that day, but the next day was better. However, that bad day still lingers in my mind and bothers me greatly. Not only because I had no idea my kids could truly behave that badly, but also because I have never felt more overwhelmed or out of control of a situation, and because of how I went to bed feeling, for the very first time, like I had completely failed my children, like I had not handled the situation throughout the day as well as I should have, and because I fear I have somehow probably scarred my children for life with my angry shouting when I finally lost my temper. Those of you who know me well, know my flaws, you know my hopes and my dreams, and you know my fears. Those of you who know me well, know how much being a mother has ALWAYS meant to me, even before having children. It's all I have ever wanted to be. So that day really rocked the foundation I stood on as a mother, and who I knew myself to be as a mother.

My dear friend Beth offered encouragement and support and a kind shoulder to lean on, and assured me that all moms have days like this and that I truly am a good mom. Her words fell on mostly deaf ears, as I was feeling very low, and I think she sensed it. So after some time passed, she sent me a card:
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I hope she doesn't mind that I am sharing what she wrote, but the words meant so much to me at the time I got to read them, and I need to brag that I'm very lucky to have such a caring and considerate and uplifting friend:

"I also wanted to tell you what an awesome mom and friend you are. My heart went out to you when I saw that you were discouraged. When you feel that way, try to remember you are a great mom with great kids. But even great kids push the envelope from time to time!"

My friend Cattigan also recently told me that I'm very intimidating sometimes because I come off as such a perfect mom. I think I nearly choked to death on my laughter, because although the day I mentioned was the worst day BY FAR that I've been a part of, there have been plenty other days where I know I wasn't at my best. But it was encouraging to hear that my overall appearance to the world is pretty good, and that my kids do well enough overall to set a good tone in people's minds. So even though it's FAR from true (and she knows it!), it boosted me up a little. I think our conversation continued with us swapping stories of our children's less-than-glorious moments in life and having a good laugh.

Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine, and sometimes a good cry really does help. And sometimes the nicely-timed words in a card from a good friend can make all the difference as well.

To all my friends, thank you for laughing with me through the good and bad stuff, encouraging me when I'm down, supporting and guiding me when I'm lost, and loving me no matter what. I love you all and appreciate you very much.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

that is soooo sweet and that card is adorable!!! you deserve that!!!

Anonymous said...

i think great friends are CRUCIAL for a sense of well-being.

so glad you're blessed with them;-)

Kaci said...

You have terrific friends Leah and I have to agree that you are a TERRIFIC MOMMY!

Cattigan said...

It's all in the fine print in the handbook of being a good friend. Swapping stories of whose kids take the cake in those less than glorious moments and laughing! I think we are tied.... Conner vs. Cameron! Probably a good thing we don't live in the same town.... I see a lot of bottles of wine while the boys are duct taped together!

Anonymous said...

its great to have friends that you can trust to see you in your bad moments and still love you and you know you can count on them to be a sounding board and let off some steam, get encouragement, or just have fun.

what great friends :)

Betsy Hart said...

YOu are gonna make me cry!! :) That is so sweet of her. :)

Anonymous said...

Leah Mae, you are a wonderful mother and a very special friend to this old Auntie. I love you.

Kristina said...

Good friends are a necessary part of life. And you know a friend is good when they've seen you at your worst and still love you anyway. That was a really sweet card.

Cheryl said...

From reading your blog, I can tell you're a wonderful mommie! We all have those bad times & it's GREAT when there's a friend nearby to lean on. I'm sure she leans on you too! The card is gorgeous! Jodi & I love to make handmade cards & now I feel lazy when I buy one.

I've even had times when being a "nice" Grandma is tough. Just remember kids seem to love unconditionally. :0)

Jodi said...

Thank goodness for friends. I know I wouldn't make it through the day without mine (especially the friend who is also my mommy). It's great to have the encouragement and support they give us when we are having THE WORST DAY EVER, especially if it is "the worst day ever" over and over again.

You are a good mommy, and all kids go through rough spells. Too bad they all had to have their rough spell on the same day. :0)

Anonymous said...

I'm reading Leah Mae's blogs way late because my week has been so busy that today, Saturday, I finally have a few moments. Leah Mae you are an absolutely fabulous MOTHER! I admire all you do and still you have given me the most wonderful grandchildren!!

I love you very much!!