Thomas LIVE, the UNfairytale

Once upon there was a little boy named Connor who LOVED Thomas the Tank Engine. When he began pooping consistently in the toilet (can I hear a little "HELL YEAH!" here, thanks), he chose a Thomas backpack as his prize. When he played with his Geo Track train set, he referred to all the trains as Thomas. ETC ETC ETC. Because his mommy loved him very much, and wanted certain things in life to be fair for all three of her children, she started researching upcoming children's shows in their area. Connor's older siblings had been to see The Wiggles when they were toddler/preschool aged, and while the mommy knew The Wiggles were no longer touring (DARN IT!), she knew there must be SOMETHING out there Connor might enjoy.

A few minutes of searching and a phone call to Connor's daddy resulted in the purchase of five tickets to see Thomas LIVE. The mommy told Connor he would be going to see Thomas on stage and Connor threw his hands into the air and yelled for joy and some in-depth Thomas conversations around the home began. And then Connor began telling cashiers and cheer coaches (etc) about getting to see Thomas on stage soon, and the mommy was very pleased and excited about HIS excitement and enthusiasm.

The mommy knew that Connor's sister was probably too old to enjoy the show, but felt bad excluding her from a full-day event, and so purchased her a ticket. The mommy wondered if Connor's brother was borderline too old, but decided because he would happily sit and watch the DVD's with Connor, it would be safe to purchase a ticket for him as well. The mommy knew that Connor's Daddy would HAPPILY avoid going, but if the rest of the family was going, it might as well be a family event.

Slightly over $100 later (thanks to all the stupid fees they tack on like crazy at the end!), the big day finally arrived and the family trucked off in the rain to see Thomas LIVE. Connor yelled and clapped and seemed thoroughly into the show. For about the first ten minutes, that is. Then he wanted to know when he could TOUCH Thomas. (you can't). And then he wanted to know when he could HUG Thomas. (you can't). Then he wanted to know WHY he couldn't. (because it would interrupt the show). Then he wanted to know WHY. WHY? WHY? WHY? (JUST BECAUSE, OKAY!).

After Connor finally got the idea he would be unable to get anywhere near Thomas, the thrill of the day was gone and he was done. Connor's sister was clearly bored, and Connor's brother was being a punk and obsessing over the fact his daddy told him NO COTTON CANDY AND DON'T ASK AGAIN.

The mommy and daddy agreed that in a much smaller setting, the Thomas LIVE show would have been cute enough for little kids, but it was a small stage "play" type show, in a large venue, and a person felt very detached from it all. The mommy was very frustrated with the amount of money spent for a giant disaster of an outing, and was sad that Connor's first concert-type outing was a serious bust (and because she is pretty sure Connor's Daddy will never allow the purchase of tickets to any type of kid show EVER AGAIN).

To make matters worse, Connor's Daddy decided that because of the show being a bust, maybe they SHOULD buy some cotton candy. The mommy went out with her debit card and found an ATM and proceeded to attempt to withdraw some cash, only to find that the darn thing had expired the day before, and for whatever reason, the bank hadn't sent a new one. No cotton candy. No happy kids. No good times.

The outing was filled with confusion and delay (and if you've ever seen Thomas, you'll see the humor in that last line!) and Connor and his family were happy to return home.

THE END

PS The mommy also thought she might possibly prefer ripping her ears off to having to listen to the little boy who sat directly behind her doing a loud, repetitive, high-pitched CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOO CHOOOOOOOOOOOO sound through 95% of the show...